Sunday, March 21, 2010

Random thoughts

We arrived home almost 2 weeks ago which has been strange but surprisingly very normal feeling. I haven't jumped back into things full force; I really felt like the Lord asked me to wait very carefully and prayerfully consider each commitment I make so I don't get filled up with lots of "stuff" to do.

I think the American food is too much - I can't believe the portions they give here. I can hardly finish half of a meal I get. And I wish I could get more fresh fruit.

I like the weather now because it's cool but not freezing and the ground is snow-less! When I got back the snow was still there but melting and now it's almost gone - spring is coming and it's a happy feeling! I love the clear blue skies that stretch out as far as you can see; to lay in my cozy bed and feel the sun beating down on my face.

I miss walking down bustling streets and trying new food. I miss the people we met and the adventure that always laid ahead.

There is a phrase that I keep pondering on. I wrote it in my journal and then stopped and looked at it and asked myself where that came from. " There should be no disappointment when we live a life with Jesus; only realization that God has a better plan". It's totally changed my way of thinking the last couple days as I do the whole job searching, what next thing. It's exciting.

Everything is so quite and there are no people here. I feel lost walking on quite paths, driving through neighborhoods that are calm, and not sitting in traffic for hours.

I love tacos, salsa, american desserts, and good coffee!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Sobering....that is all I can say about the day today. Today we witness the greatest dehumanizing and evil acts I have ever personally witnessed. You cannot walk away from the Killing Fields and S21 Prison with out being deeply affected by the suffering humans can impose on one another and ask yourself how can it not happen again?

S21 - an old school was transformed into a torture prison for people the Khmer Rouge expected of being enemies of the country. Most of them were just educated people or had previously had an position in the government. Here they were brought to endure mind blowing torture techniques to extract confessions out of them - most of which were made up by those torturing. If they didn't die eventually they would be hauled off in trucks 2-3 times a month to a Killing Field 15K outside the capital. Blindfolded, hands tied behind their backs, they were knelt beside a mass grave and killed. Chemicals poured immediately on them to ease the smell of dead bodies or kill those who were buried alive. The area is marked with a tall monument filled with skulls and bones of those they exhumed. As you walk around the area you not only feel the evil, you see it - the clothes of those killed are still being pushed up to the top of the soil - random bones still being brought to the surface. A tree next to a mass grave for babies and women was the monument of babies heads being smalled against the tree before thrown in with the others. Over one third of the countries population died under the Khmer Rouge regime - it makes you stop and realize the magnitude of this war. Over 340 of these prisons existed and thousands of killing fields like the one we visited dot the country.

Like the Nazi's in world war 2 the Khmer Rouge took detailed notes and pictures of all their prisoners. You walk through the school rooms where prisoners lay waiting to have fingernails ripped out, hands tied behind their backs and lifted up and down until they passed out, and beat over and over again. You can feel the fear they must have felt as you look at the chain used to lock them to their cell. The pictures of victims cover the entire first floor of one of the buildings - gaze at the faces of thousands of people who entered this prison only to be killed - a life unknown aside from a picture.

I have to ask myself questions like what is the responsibility I have so that situations like this cannot happen again? I'm reading a book right now called, "The Girl in the Picture" about a girl from Vietnam affected by the war (you'll know the famous picture if you look it up). She shares, at least at this point in the book, the effect America pulling out of the war had on the people of the south - many more people suffered. I question getting involved in somebody elses war but I saw the quote I keep at the bottom of my e-mails written on a wall today, "All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing". In no way am saying America is the answer - but I am saying don't people have an obilgation? As a Christian who wants to speak up and defend the rights of the poor and the destitute - do I not owe something to getting myself involved? Knowing what is going on in the world? Learning and advocating help? What does one person do? Pol Pot was 1 person - and he destroyed the lives of hundreds of thousands - 1 person can make a difference. We want the good difference.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Moments in Mae Sot

Such a hot day and off to the city dump we go. I sat at the edge of the truck bed handing out clothes to the eager hands pressing around me. The children were covered in dirt and soot from the fires they had burned. Looking around you see piles of trash with tarps for houses built directly on top. A few of the more fortunate had a bamboo hut slightly above the trash to keep them off the heaps of garbage. Be careful not to inhale the flies that swarm about; with each step you took over the ground 20 more would rise up to meet your face. Humbly a lady invited us to sit in her house; a sobering moment. I walked away from that place filled with so many thoughts. Sadness for the people there. Thinking that is how we must look to God - when so much lush land is right next to us we still choose to stay on the trash. They are human, they deserve dignity, love, and respect. Filled with joy remembering the ecstatic smiles as each person gleefully took a piece of clothing; seeing a shirtless man put on a shirt and wear it proudly. And also that Americans need to give smaller pieces of clothing. :-)

After the staff meeting the Campasio staff eats together. One of the boys from the prison baby house decided he wanted to stay with me. He ate his fried rice on my lap - being only 3 or 4 (or my lack of Burmese to tell him to stop throwing it on the ground) he made a huge mess on the floor around me. When he left I was surrounded by rice to the amusement of the rest of the group telling me I should learn how to eat properly.

At the home for children who were left on the streets with out parents a 10-12 year old girl came and sat on my lap. She pulled my arms around her tighter and tighter to make sure I didn't let go. Just a little love - it goes a long way.

Our last day at the Drop-In Center I had walked about 8 blocks with a little boy, aged 10, who was carrying his little sister sleeping. His bare, dirty, calloused feet knew the path so well. His sister was sleeping so deep it seemed like she was sick. She didn't move when he'd adjust the scarf tied around his chest to hold her. When we reached the drop in center I took her and held her in my arms, he ran away to be a child for an hour. I wanted to cry for him. I sat there holding the sleeping baby and watched the 1 mother that came everyday get so angry at her son she tried to slap and grab him. She was lazy so she didn't run after him when he ran way. However,when she saw him returning she did jump up to walk a few steps to the edge of the doorway to pick up a giant piece of broken cement to throw at her son. I remember getting Titus' attention because I didn't want to see a bloody child. She sat back down after he ran away again...my mind could only think about his fate later. Uggghhhh! No wonder these children punch and beat each other all the time, they don't know any other example. I realized because I was holding the baby I had put my legs straight out with the bottom of them exposed in front of me (bottom of feet in Thailand = being rude). But I didn't even care (at least not for a few moments until I felt God's reminder to still love her) because I realized they were pointing at the mom who was going to throw a rock at her son. I would've cried right there if I could've - I became so grateful for Campasio and the work they do.

Oh it is cold!!!! Just go! I can't jump - how deep is it?!?! What a spectacular waterfall! The cold, refreshing, mountain water rushes around us playing like little kids and screaming with delight.

Frog? It's OK because it's seasoned well. No - those bamboo worms aren't like the last ones I had....not that tasty. Roti please - fresh and warm the sweet bread saturated with sweet & condensed milk melts in the mouth!

She took me by the hand and lead me up the steep stairs to her room she shared with 1other. On the wooden floor she pulled out her secret box - an Operation Christmas Child box. She looked at my face to make sure I was eyeing all the prized possessions she'd received. One by one she pulled out little treasures. A washcloth was one of her favorites - her eyes big as she searched for delight in my eyes as I saw her gift.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Connected Because

So this afternoon we went to a house church here in Mae Sot. This house church was what most of my friends would know as "small group"; although here it is all the church consists of. It was such a special moment for me to be seated around somebody's living room, talk about our week, open the word, and share and pray. We even got a piece of hot apple crisp with ice cream at the end....not to mention the sweet tea! :-)

We took communion together and as I sat there in prayer/thought a realization hit me that we are here together because of what He did on the cross. The only reason we had "family" around us on the other side of the world is because of what Christ did for us. We wouldn't be sitting in a strangers living room with people we didn't know and feel the love of God if Christ didn't die on the cross. He provided it all for us.

Living out of a backpack for the last 2 and half months and moving from place to place disconnects you a little from feeling that intimidate connection with people. I didn't realize how much I missed my small group and having people around me, in person, to lift me up. God reminded me that it is all of gift from Him. With out Him I wouldn't be standing in Thailand. I wouldn't be waiting for some new friends to come to the hotel to meet us for dinner. With out Him I couldn't do what I am doing.

It seems like when I think of the cross I think of the saving power of Christ's blood that saved me from a life with out Him. An eternity with out Him. It gives me freedom and strength...but I never thought of it as giving me a family no matter where I am in the world. A precious moment to see that God's gift of the cross is even sweeter than before!!!

Friday, January 15, 2010

It all means nothing...

It'd been a slow few weeks - we had little to do and were beginning to wonder why our contacts were falling through. Our nerves were getting tired of entertaining ourselves with random things to do yet not being able to do much because our tight budget didn't leave much left over. We roamed the streets and took in the sights as best we could; hoping our friends would contact us soon giving us something to do.

It didn't occur to me that perhaps this was exactly the spare moment we needed for God to teach us something. One morning I read for a long time and then prayed for a long time. It was one of those great moments were every verse comes alive and you know what you want to pray for. Impressed after sometime I took my ipod and went on a walk. I didn't know where to go - our area is filled with westerns and I wanted to get away and listen to some praise and worship while walking. I've been deeply longing that here but usually there is no place to hide away or it's not safe to venture alone. I started off in a direction I hadn't been before.

I walked along the street with out my ipod so I could listen to the sounds and make sure I didn't get hit while crossing the street. I found myself in the mist of allie ways filled with "old women" clothing. What I mean by that is fancy clothes old Thai women wear that look like it's from the late 80s. I felt compelled to pray that a church would rise up in that area (partly to keep old Thai women from being able to buy these awful clothes) for the 1000's of backpackers passing through. Most of who are traveling along for adventure and open to anything and anybody. So many people alone will strike up conversations with you and instantly there is a door open!

As I came to an opening a big empty cement area lay in the middle of the road. It didn't exactly have benches to sit on but there were numerous stone squares that could be used as benches. I took my seat and looked around. A huge golden spiral from the temple loomed in front of me - next to the colorful sparkles detailing the temple building. The street behind and in front of me was filled with people hurrying off to this place or that place. Hundreds of pigeons swarmed the area. I smiled at the male pigeons puffing themselves up dancing around the female. They ran away scared but the males kept chasing them so puffed up they looked ready to burst. I laughed remembering when I tried to explain to Titus that this is like women and men. Men fill their time with working out so they can puff themselves up in front of women but in all reality the women are scared of the dance and most times aren't impressed by the muscles....really it only impresses other men when they have big muscles.

I put my music in and breathlessly listen and prayed the words of these songs would be true for the Thai people. God of this City started playing and I remembered that it was in Bangkok that this song was written and sung out over the people at the concert. Deep in thought didn't see him come up until he was right in front me and sat down. He didn't really smile and I quickly realized he wasn't quite all there. His feet were dirty with the toenails molding. The face was worn with random long whiskers poking out this way and that. In his scrubby, unclean hands he held a pigeon. I looked at it and he gently offered me the bird to hold. He swayed back and forth a little...I didn't know whether to be stay or leave - he seemed a little crazy. Looking around the streets I noticed how many people were about and decided there was no way anything could happen, and that if it did, people would come to my rescue quickly...including the police just down the street watching traffic.

I sat there for a moment and turned to look at the man next to me. He was looking at his bird, cradled in my hands, with great joy. I realized he wasn't going to hurt me. I slowly took out my earphones and gave it to him. He didn't know what to do so I cautiously put the earphone around his ear and turned up the music. He smiled ever so slightly and said words I didn't understand but it sounded like he was trying to hum with the music. I prayed that the music would penetrate his soul. That God would supernaturally allow him to understand the words and find peace. Hear the name Jesus. For a long while we sat there in a dumpy, pigeon filled, empty cement area surrounded by chaos. But it was one of the most peaceful moments I can remember - it didn't seem like anything else was going on around us. I gave him back his pigeon and smiled at him. He walked with me for a little bit and then suddenly I realized he was gone. I don't know where he disappeared to but he was nowhere to be seen. I stood on the sidewalk and a smile came across my face. What a beautiful moment.

I didn't plan that moment. I didn't wake up and say, "I think I'l go find a homeless man and sit with him awhile". I didn't have a missionary or "contact" to help me, help people. God spoke this to me as I walked back, "you are waiting for somebody else to show you who to love. Those people you will be helping with missionaries are people who are already shown love. The child at the orphanage has a place to go and people working around her that love her. This man has nobody to love him or show him kindness. Love for people doesn't mean love for the people who you meet through missionaries, love for people means anybody you cross paths with". For the first time in my life I think I understood what Jesus meant when he said if you don't have love it all means nothing.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

If I had Twitter....

What would’ve been on Twitter December 20th-21st...if I had Twitter.

Only 20 more hours in India - excited out of my mind!

I wish the water wasn’t freezing so I could shower and wash all this dead human ash off my body. I will never smell sandalwood again with out thinking of burning human corpse on the edge of the Gangas river.

Only 200K to the boarder, no big deal!

Tractors, food carts going to another location, motorcycles, wagons, camels, dogs, people, bicycles, water buffalo, elephants, rickshaws, cows, tuktuks, and our bus all on this 2 lane road - no wonder it takes 10 hours to go 200K.

I just wish the bus would rattle a little more.

The Nepali customs people are so nice - finally somebody who seems to care. I love Nepal already.

I hate Nepal.

The entire country is on strike? How does that even work? How does that happen?

Why didn’t they tell us BEFORE we left Varanasi that Nepal is on a 3 day strike instead of 2 minutes before we get off the bus to go into Nepal? I love spending extra days at this no place border town.

Moaists? What is going on? Should we even be here?

Good news! “We will definitely, probably, most likely will be leaving for sure at 12:30....maybe”. Huh?

It’s 1:30...shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up on that most convincing statement that we were leaving at 12:30.

Thanks Mr. French Man - I do feel VERY fortunate that we only have to be here for 1 day.

Robyn - we forgot to research lice.

Gotta go - bus is leaving in 20 minutes.

I’m back - the bus will be here in an hour.

On our way to Katmandu! It's only 5pm.

Is it customary for people to clap and sing when the lights go out? - I think usually that indicates it’s time to sleep.

Is this a bathroom break? It seems like we’ve been sitting here for quite some time.

Wait....the bus driver is taking a nap? How long is his nap?

No worries guys - we are back and running 2 and half hours later! He just needed a little nap to keep him going.

Oh good - we’re on our way - how long do we have?

Um....that is my arm rest. I don’t think you can make a bed in the middle of the bus floor with your 7 blankets and then sit up and decide to wrap your entire arm around my arm rest to keep you from sliding around.

Yes that is my hip bone get your elbow off of it!

Seriously - I mean it - get your arm off of my lap. I am pushing against it for a reason.

Wait....wait.....WAIT a minute, we were only 1 and half hours from Katmandu and you pulled over to take a 2 and half hour nap?

So here we are, 4:36am, dropped off on the side of the road, it’s dark, cold, and we have no idea where to go. Welcome to Katmandu.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Meeting an old friend

"Hey! What are you guys doing? I am starting at a call center on Monday and I would love to practice my english with you...Do you want me come with you where you are going? I know the buses so you can go cheap. I am just your friend, I don't want money, just to practice English. You need a sim card? OK, I can help you. Let's just talk. Have you heard of this place? I can take you there. If not, it's OK, I just want to learn more so I can talk to the people who call me".

Our "friend" Rahul showed us around Mumbai all day. I was confused but nobody else seemed to mind so I just kept my mouth shut. Night came and we parted ways. Titus and Caleb gave him a little money as a thank you but we made our way back to the hotel so happy we got to see so much in Mumbai. We missed Rahul at the next day as we tried to make our way through the city alone. What a good friend we made!

Fast forward a month later. Beautiful Goan beach, calm and peaceful water, sunshine, wonderful sand.....and Rahul's face sitting 2 or 3 seats away...next to another white guy! Maybe the call center he was starting the Monday after we met wasn't working out...maybe. I told Robyn it looked like Rahul but she didn't think much of it. As we swam we noticed the old white guy coming into the water with the Rahul look-alike. I mentioned it to the rest of our group it looked like him. We sat in the water trying to decide if it was him or not. Then, out of nowhere he turns around and holds his finger to his mouth to tell us to shhhh and gives us a wink and smile.

We got SCAMMED. Clever Rahul...but I bet you didn't expect to see us again a month later, 600K away, in another state, with your newest victim! I am not sure who got the better end of the deal! The little money he got from us....or us getting to see the look on his face when he realized who we were!