Oh darn…it’s started…the emotions. I’ve been good so far but today I actually started to get a little choked up thinking about stuff. I’d just like to be on with the trip so that I’m able to settle in to what normal will be for me during the next few months. I’ll skip right past all the “good-byes” thank you. It’s a weird feeling to be ending your life here while others keep on planning.
At work I’m trying to wrap up everything I’ve been involved in and make it clear and easy for the person sliding in. I’m not picking up new projects so in some way my end has come. The reality that I’m leaving a job I’ve been at for 7 years is sort of hard hitting today. Oh I am excited and ready to see what God has for me – it’s just weird when people say, “it’s the end of your time, when you leave, you won’t be here, etc..”. Oh but what I’ll see not sitting at a desk!
With friends and family – as they make weekend plans or get-away I’ll kindly tune out. It doesn’t bother me at all….its kind of nice to not have plans and to think through how my weekends through the end of the year are getting booked. They’ll be booked with other things – but I’m leaving that open to God.
When I stop and think about what we’re about to do I think that’s when I get emotional – it’s not what I’m missing, it’s not that I’m afraid, it’s not that I can’t live without the people in my life for a time, it’s not that I don’t have security, or anything. What makes me emotional is that God will allow me to be part of something so much bigger than I know how to do. That He has given me this privilege, this dream, this group of people to go with, and that He wants to use me to make an impact. When I start to think about the people we’ll meet, the lives God can touch, the possibilities of what this could become – that’s when I get emotional! It’s so big. And God would use somebody so small. It’s all Him - I’m blessed and honored.
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